she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
