Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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