Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
