Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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