i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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