Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize