i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize