it wasn't lemon gatorade
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
people are starting to question the shark bite story
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
