He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
