Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize