What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
