Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
