apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
