Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
