Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
