I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
