yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
