I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
