just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
