he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
