youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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