he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
