we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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