It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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