first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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