Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
