Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
