...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
