Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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