So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
