that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
