Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
