The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
