i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
