I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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