so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
