I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
