we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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