Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
