True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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