Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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