haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
