I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
