May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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