You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
