Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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