She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
