Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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