tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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