Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
