she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
