Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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