That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
