so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
