I want to walk on stilts...naked
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
