Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
