good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
