They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How does one acquire holy water?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
