I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ugly people sure do ruin things
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
