when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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