i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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