i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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