Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
