Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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