SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize