At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
