wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
