he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
