Your dad touched me again.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
