shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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