Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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