one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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