I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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