I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
