You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
