Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
